he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
