Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
