in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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