oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
