I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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