I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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