ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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