yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
