Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I just sharted jello shots
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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