I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize