I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
