do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
