I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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