I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
