Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
