He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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