my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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