YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
