it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am mentally ready for anal.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize