im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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