yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
