So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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