I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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