I bet he comes in French.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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