Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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