ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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