dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Even my vagina gasped.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize