how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
