My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
