Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize