homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
God, I missed his penis.
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