Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
