you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
