So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
