You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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