I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish i was in the wii world.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
