Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
