she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i dont even know how to be here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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