i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
