Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize