Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
