Betty ford says i'm here all night
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
