toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
