Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
