Umm I'm too high to move.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
