now i know why i became what i already was.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
