so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
