And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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