Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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