I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
