What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
