Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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