I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I believe in your delicious
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
