i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
