im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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