i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
