if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
