the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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