so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
