so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
