Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
