Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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