Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
