Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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