I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
