i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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