Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
