omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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