how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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