Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
