i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
